The following story as written by Greg Bauch at WGR 550 about the first episode of The T.O. Show.
Andy, my boss, asked me if I planned on watching the T.O. show and doing a recap for the website.
I told him, “No.”
He then asked me again while pressing a knife into my left hand.
I told him, “Sure.”
You will hear plenty of opinions on the debut of “The T.O. Show,” but these will be the most meaningless.
If you have not yet watched “The T.O. Show” and don’t want the details spoiled for you, feel free to read this article. I have refrained from mentioning anything important or life-altering.
So, here’s a blow-by-blow recap of “The T.O. Show.” I’ve finally made it in life:
– The show begins with a shot of Terrell Owens playing chess against himself. It’s a metaphor. It’s T.O.’s way of saying, “I’m engrossed in an epic battle of the ‘Good’ me against the ‘Bad’ me. The underlining theme of the show is T.O.’s struggle to be a better person. If I were to produce a metaphor to show my internal struggle, it would involve 4 ‘Good’ me’s hold a ‘Bad’ me down and feeding him Rice Cakes.
– “The T.O. Show” audience is immediately introduced to Mo and Kita, his best friends and publicists. Their purpose is to follow Owens around and make sure he lives his life right. Their other purpose is to drive me to the brink of insanity. They’ll get to the latter before the former.
– By far, the most interesting part of the show was the story of how Owens was cut from the Dallas Cowboys. Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones walked over to Owens and drew up a football type play on a white tablecloth. Jones then drew a black line through the diagram and said, “We’ve got to part ways”. Apparently, they were dining at Garfield’s. T.O. kept the tablecloth as motivation for the rest of his career. I wonder if Jones communicates with everyone by tablecloth.
– I think I might be worried about Owens’ back. Mo and Kita hug him and couple of times and he keeps saying, “careful of my back”. I doubt Will Allen is going to take it so easy on him.
– I like Pablo. He seems nice. I’m thinking about getting a bodyguard.
– T.O. arrives at the Los Angeles airport at there’s a quick shot of a limo driver holding up an ‘Owens’ sign. If you bought a black suit and driver’s cap, how long would you have to hold up a ‘Johansson’ sign at an L.A. airport before it paid off?
– Owens’ bags don’t make it to L.A. from Miami. There is a zero percent chance that it happened by accident. I’m betting that the skycap was a Niners’ fan.
– If my little league coach would have shown me pictures of that house Terrell Owens has in L.A., I would have tried harder to do push-ups. That’s the nicest house I’ve ever seen. My wife would leave me in a second for those digs.
– Interesting footage of Owens’ out on the town spending some money. I was covering Bills training camp in 2000, the first year at St. John Fisher College. I missed the media meal, so I had to feed myself. I only had 7 dollars in the bank, so I had to find an ATM that would dispense money in 5 dollar increments. My bank card wasn’t the kind you could use at registers. My beat-up 1979 Buick LaSabre had barely enough gas to get me back to Buffalo, so I had to walk from store to store. I ended up finding one and purchasing a 2 dollar turkey sub from a gas station. The turkey sandwich was stale and only came with mustard. The idea of paying $137,000 for a pair of earrings is beyond my level of comprehension.
– Foot note on that 2000 training camp: I’m not very good at interviews and found myself, alone, talking to 6th round pick DT Leif Larsen. His English wasn’t good. About 5 minutes into a response about wrestling technique, I hear Jonas Jennings behind saying, “Just walk away, man. Just walk away.”
– Mo and Kita are the real driving force behind “The T.O. Show.” They are like Owens’ Jiminy Cricket…if Jiminy Cricket had a mouth like a teamster. There’s a confusing scene where they are going back and forth about the difference between ‘Terrell’ and ‘T.O.’ I was less confused while failing Algebra in 9th grade. WGR’s Jon Koziol came to my rescue, explaining “Terrell is the person, while T.O. is the brand”. I’m thinking of hiring Jon as my own personal Mo and Kita…or MoKita.
– For those of you who didn’t watch “The T.O. Show” online, Lipton has a new Ice Tea that might interest you.
– T.O.’s real estate agent was attractive, but I assume everyone in L.A. is attractive. Who works at the DMV or picks up garbage there? I can’t tell you what made me more uncomfortable, watching Owens make out with his realtor or watching extended footage of him work his biceps in his pool.
– So VH1 producers arrive at Terrell Owens’ ex-fiance Felisha’s house and Mic’ her up for a segment of “The T.O. show.” Then a camera crew gets in place to film her every move for the “The T.O. Show.” The doorbell rings, and she says “Who is it?”
I’m guessing it’s T.O.
It would have been funnier if Rip Taylor burst though the door and starting throwing confetti , but smart money was on it being Terrell Owens.
– Overall, “The T.O. Show” was a success. It somehow did the opposite of entertain me. Also, pieces of my soul are missing. I do have to say that there are some great production values.